Non-Spike Sounds

| Sounds Home | Extras | Episode Guide |
BUFFY: | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Other |
ANGEL: | 1 | 5 |                                    

Each quote is individually linked for download in .mp3 format.
Episode number in []s.
* denotes flashback quote

|Shortcuts|

Angel
Angelus
Anya
Buffy
BuffyBot
Cordelia
Dawn 		Drusilla
Faith
Giles
Glory
Harmony
Joyce
Kendra 		The Master
The Mayor
Nerd Herd
Oz
Riley
Slayers-In-Training
Principal Snyder 		Tara
Mr. Trick
Wesley
Willow
Vampire Willow
Xander
Demons/Baddies/Other

|Angel|
top | bottom

  • "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite." [1]
  • "Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though." [1]
  • "Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open." [1]
  • "Let's just say... I'm a friend." ... "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend." ... "I didn't say I was yours." [1]
  • "For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart." [7]
  • "I can walk like a man, but I'm not one." [7]
  • "Looking in the mirror everyday and seeing nothing there. It's an overrated pleasure." [11]
  • "Crazy, like a two-hundred-and-forty-one-year-old being jealous of a high school junior?" [14]
  • "She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog 'I'm all tortured' act. Keeps her off my back when I feed!" [15]
  • "This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after." [17]
  • "Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills." [19]
  • "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is." [23]
  • "I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop." [25]
  • "Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul. And a part of me doesn't care." [44]
  • "I love you...nothing can change that, not even death." [47]
  • "Sorry about the chains. It's not that I don't trust you...well, actually it is that I don't trust you." [49]
  • "It's like talking to a wall, only you get more from a wall." [49]
  • "Willow's dead.....Hey Willow." [50]
  • "Lemme guess: you summoned back the true Angelus because you need a new boy toy. Sorry, doesn't work that way." [51]
  • "What can I say, I'm the world's best actor." ... "Second best." [51]
  • "You still my girl?" ... "Always." [51]
  • "I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it. Hey, I'll love you even if you're covered with slime." [52]
  • "In two-hundred and forty-three years, I've loved exactly one person." [52]
  • "I'm a funny guy." [52]
  • "You're not my elder. I've got a lotta years on you." [53]
  • "It's just the caffeine. It makes me jittery." [54]
  • "You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you." [54]
  • "How can you ask me that? Just 'cause I'm not acting like a brat doesn't mean I don't feel anything." [55]
  • "I didn't want to go, without seeing you." [56]
  • "No. If she knew I was here, it was distract her. It could get her hurt. I don't want to get in the way." [64]
  • "Believe me, I'm not getting the good half of this deal. To be on the outside looking in at what I can't... Well, I'd forgotten how bad it feels." [64]
  • "I'm not evil again. Why does everyone think that?" [64]
  • "Don't push me, boy." [76]
  • "I was never much for preachers." [143]
  • "Ah, it's one of those things you have to finish yourself." [143]
  • "You are so gonna lose." [143]
  • "God, I miss watching this." [143]
  • "Well... at least you could tell me you're glad to see me." [143]
  • Well, guess that qualifies as happy to see me." [144]
  • "Not saving the damsel in distress, that's for sure." [144]
  • "It's The First, right? The First Evil? The power that tried to convince me to kill myself?" [144]
  • "Okay, now I'm pissed. Where is he?" [144]
  • "I don't know everything. It's very powerful and probably very dangerous. It has a purifying power, a cleansing power, possibly scrubbing bubbles. The translation is uh—uh ... anyway, it bestows strength to the right person who wears it." [144]
  • "And the right person is?" ... "Someone ensouled, but stronger than human, a Champion. As in me." ... "Or me." ... "No. I don't know nearly enough about this to risk you wearing it. Besides, you got that real cool axe thing going for ya." [144]
  • "You in love with him? Okay, maybe I'm out of line, this is kind of a curveball for me, I mean, we are talking about Spike here." [144]
  • "Everyone's got a soul now. ... You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool, new thing." [144]
  • "I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. Doesn't necessarily bring out the Champion in me." [144]
  • "I ain't getting any older." [144]

    |Angelus|
    top | bottom

  • "Yeah, baby. I'm back." [26]
  • "She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive." [26]
  • "I guess I really did drive you crazy." [28]
  • "It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?" [29]
  • "I never cease to be amazed how much the world has changed in just two and a half centuries." [29]
  • "Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief." [29]
  • "If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow." [29]
  • "Without passion, we'd be truly dead." [29]
  • "Uh-oh. This does not look good for our heroine." [30]
  • "I need a real vile kill before sunup to wipe this crap out of my system." [31]
  • "I'm sure he'd be hell on wheels, but we don't have much time." [31]
  • "My friends... we're about to make history... end." [33]
  • "Maybe I'll just go home, destroy the world." [33]
  • "I mean, the last time I tortured somebody, they didn't even have chainsaws." [34]
  • "I figured you'd know the the ritual, you're pretty up on these things; you could probably tell what I'm doing wrong. But honestly, I sorta hope you don't, because I really wanna torture you." [34]
  • "Don't worry, rollerboy." [34]
  • "Keep out of it Sit N Spin." [34]
  • "Perhaps it's my advancing years that makes me so forgetful, William. Remind me. Why don't we kill you?" [85] *
  • "No. A real kill; a good kill; it takes pure artistry. Without that, we're just animals." [85] *

    |Anya|
    top | bottom

  • "I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old, just give me a fricken' beer!" [50]
  • "So then this one time, a girl wished that her ex would cannibalize himself. Even I had a hard time watching that, let me tell you." [54]
  • "I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now." [59]
  • "Oh, they're trapped, too, but we've got to save Xander!" [60]
  • "Bunnies frighten me." [60]
  • "I love a ritual sacrifice." [64]
  • "To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice, with pie." [64]
  • "So this is Angel. He's large and glowery isn't he?" [64]
  • "I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquify his entrails for her." [65]
  • "A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler." [74]
  • "I've already been injured once this month!" [84]
  • "I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. ... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!" [86]
  • "Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers." ... "Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares." [86]
  • "Yep, the space lamb got 'im." [86]
  • "Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah blah blah. The next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em you start going 'My goodness, young lady...maybe you're doing something wrong here too.'" [89]
  • "I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods." [89]
  • "Go deadness for the demons." [90]
  • "Willow's a demon!?" [90]
  • "Just the idea of computers was like, 'Whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans'." [93]
  • "I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid." [94]
  • "Okay. All in favor of stopping Glory before the ritual. Suggestions, ideas? Time's a-wastin'." [100]
  • "It's a higher power, trying to tell me through bunnies that we're all gonna die. Oh god." [100]
  • "Well then why are you torturing me? You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon. I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity." [101]
  • "She's not the descendant of a long line of mystical warriors. She's the descendant of a toaster oven." [101]
  • "Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me." [101]
  • "Less talk, more running away." [102]
  • "Well, yeah. I mean ... jet-lag from hell has gotta be, you know, jet-lag from hell." [103]
  • "Oh yes, cause six or seven days, that's all you really need to get over eternal hell experiences." [103]
  • "I am the luckiest ex-demon in the world." [106]
  • "I was a demon for a thousand years, Xander, you can't expect me to turn my back on all the ways of my people." [110]
  • "See, this is why demons are better than people." [112]
  • "I think she's possessed." ... "She's a teenager." [114]
  • "What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!" [118]
  • "Thing about it is, none of this was my idea. I didn't ask to be human." [118]
  • "To tell you the truth ... all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years..." [118]
  • "You wish it, I dish it; I thought we were clear on this. I didn't think you were gonna go all narc on me." [124]
  • "What are you doing here? I thought you were with Giles, studying how to not to kill people." [125]
  • "Just got back, as in you're all better, or just back to bring about a fiery apocalypse of death?" [125]
  • "Here's something you should know about vengeance demons: we don't group with the sorry. We prefer 'Oh, god, please stop hitting me with my own rib bones'." [125]
  • "Well, as it turns out, teleporting isn't a right, it's a privilege. I withdrew a vengeance spell last week and this is my punishment. I can only teleport for official business...have to file a flight plan and everything." [125]
  • "Hahahah. You're here to... Well that's great, Willow. Flayed anybody lately have you? How quickly they forget." [127]
  • "Well, thank you for the generous life-saving. Now, please go away." [128]
  • "Well, I—I guess you guys could use my help. Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing — except when she's evil. And Dawn — she's not really good for anything." [128]
  • "Better be. 'Cause if I get vamped, I'm gonna bite your ass!" [130]
  • You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul." [130]
  • "All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half way to happyland by now." [130]
  • "Maybe it's another musical. ... A much crappier musical." [131]
  • "And you blew the Council up! See, this is what happens when you're all stuffy and repressed. You overreact." [132]
  • "Yeah, he'll help. You know, if he's not crazy or off killing people or dead. Or, you know, all of the above." [132]
  • "It was one date. And it wasn't even a date. We just happened to be invited to the same massacre, and — and you hit on me after I had a few..." [133]
  • "Oh. ... Willow and me and Xander and Tara. We're the ones who brought Buffy back. We're the reason The First is here, the reason those girls were murdered. No, it's our fault. The world would've been better off if Buffy had just stayed dead." [133]
  • "Wow, it's like one second you're this klutzy teenager with fake memories and a history of kleptomania, and then — then suddenly you're a hero, a hero with a much abbreviated lifespan." [134]
  • "That's because you're a part of something larger. Like being swallowed. By something larger." [134]
  • "Are you nuts? Of course it's working! Observe my, my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice." [136]
  • "But you fought like such a wimpire. What with the lifting and the running. Why not just kill him?" [137]
  • "What are you doing?" ... "Entertaining and educating." ... "Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?" [138]
  • "Buffy seems to think that this apocalypse is going to actually be, you know, apocalyptic." [138]
  • "You still need to know this information. We can't stop just because something else is trying to kill you, too." [141]
  • "And it's automatically you. You really do think you're better than we are." ... "No, I—" ... "But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy." ... "I—" ... "But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us." [141]
  • "Yeah,they're gonna look like mortally wounded Easter baskets." [143]
  • "Trying to talk will just kill you sooner." [143]
  • "Yeah, well, I could use a cookie, but I'm not making reckless wishes." [143]
  • "I'll get Kennedy to watch the girls. She's tough. Imminent death won't bother her." [143]
  • "I guess I was kinda new to being around humans before. Now I've seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what they're capable of. ... I guess I just realized how amazingly screwed up they all are. I mean really, really screwed up in a monumental fashion." ... "Huh." .. "And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just tripped around, blundering through life until they die. Which they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane ... And yet, here's the thing ... when it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they are lame and morons for fighting, but they do. ... They never, they never quit." [143]
  • "We will defend it with our very lives." ... "Yes, we will defend it with his very life." ... "And don't be afraid to use him as a human shield." [144]
  • "Oh, God! I'm terrified! I didn't think, I mean, I just figured you'd be terrified and I'd just be sarcastic about it." [144]
  • "Bunnies! ... Floppy, hoppy ... bunnies!" [144]

    |Buffy|
    top | bottom

  • "Gee, can you vague that up for me?" [1]
  • "Let's just say... I'm a friend." ... "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend." ... "I didn't say I was yours." [1]
  • "Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead." [1]
  • "There's something you forgot about, too. Sunrise!" ... "AAGGHH!" ... "It's in about nine hours, moron!" [2]
  • "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Buffy, and you're history!" [5]
  • "Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their stuff." [5]
  • "And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!" [5]
  • "If the apocalypse comes, beep me." [5]
  • "You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?" [13]
  • "So, are you gonna kill me or are we just making small talk?" [13]
  • "Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel." [14]
  • "Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this." [14]
  • "One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying." [16]
  • "When you kiss me I wanna die." [17]
  • "Now you let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray." [19]
  • "The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after." ... "Liar." [19]
  • "Does 'rest in peace' have no sanctity to you people? Oh, I forgot. You're not a people." [20]
  • "There's a surprise. Angel comes with bad news." [20]
  • "I was only gone for a minute." [21]
  • "Vampires are creeps." [23]
  • "Vampires... Heeere, vampires..." [23]
  • "A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?" ... "Saving the world from vampires?" [24]
  • "You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial." [25]
  • "I have had a really bad day, okay? If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat." [34]
  • "Okay. You do remember you're a vampire, right?" [34]
  • "Mom... I'm a Vampire Slayer." [34]
  • "I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker." [34]
  • "Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye." [36]
  • "Scream later! Escape now!" [37]
  • "First rule of slaying: don't die." [37]
  • "All right, I get it, you're evil." [44]
  • "Bite me." [46]
  • "Whenever Giles sends me on a mission he always says 'Please'; and afterwards I get a cookie." [48]
  • "Oh, that'd be tragic, taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading." [48]
  • "Not really looking to trade with a demon." [51]
  • "You still my girl?" ... "Always." [51]
  • "Faith's turn to the dark side of the Force pretty much put the proverbial kibosh on any away plans for me." [53]
  • "You look at something and you think you know exactly what you're seeing, and then you find out it's something else entirely." [53]
  • "Can't you ever get your mind out of the Hellmouth?" [54]
  • "Where did I think you get your blood, McPlasma's?" [54]
  • "The great thing about being a Slayer, kicking ass is comfort food." [54]
  • "Every now and then, people surprise you." [54]
  • "You can't turn your back on the Council." ... "They're in England, I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing." [55]
  • "Drink me." [56]
  • "Can't wait till mom gets the bill for these books, I hope it's a funny aneurysm." [57]
  • "Harmony's a vampire? She must be dying without a reflection." [59]
  • "You know very well, you eat this late... You're gonna get heartburn." [62]
  • "You are one step away, missy." ... "Giles, help! He's going to scold me." [65]
  • "GILES! I accidentally killed Spike. That's okay, right?" [65]
  • "I told you. I said end of the world and you’re like 'poo-poo southern California, poo-poo!'" [67]
  • "It's an adventure, great. But for me, it's destiny. It is something that I can't change, something that I can't escape. I'm stuck!" [67]
  • "Well, a man that worships chaos and tries to kill you, is a man you can trust." [69]
  • "Spell it out for me. I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on." [70]
  • "I see one more display of testosterone poisoning and I will personally put you both in the hospital!" [76]
  • "If I was anymore open-minded about the choices you two make my whole brain would fall out!" [76]
  • "You're not the source of me." [78]
  • "I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula." ... "Get out!" [79]
  • "I bet you say that before you bite all the girls." [79]
  • "You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back." [79]
  • "Well, I think 'odd' just got upped to 'bad'." [80]
  • "Numero one-oh. 'Do not invite bloodsucking dead people into our home'." [80]
  • "So, Slayer, at last we meet." ... "We've met, Harmony, you half-wit." [80]
  • "Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad ... you suck." [80]
  • "We better get there soon. If Xander kills himself, he's dead." [81]
  • "If you tell me to hurry ... I'll kick your ass." [82]
  • "And I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart." [83]
  • "Nothing like gettin' your ass kicked to...make your ass hurt." [84]
  • "I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto." [85]
  • "You got off on it." ... "Well, yeah. I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind reckon you've done?" [85]
  • "It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. ... You're beneath me." [85]
  • "It's just, I trust these Watchers about as far as...you could throw them." [89]
  • "I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions." [90]
  • "Why doesn't that register with you? Crypt plus vampire equals bad." [92]
  • "What part of punching you in the face did you not understand?" [92]
  • "Uh-huh." [93]
  • "The ... who whating how with huh?" [96]
  • "You guys couldn't tell me apart from a robot?" [96]
  • "We stay, we die. Show of hands for that option." [98]
  • "I'm the Slayer. The Chosen One. All mythic and defendery. Evil nasties are supposed to flee from me. Not the other way around." [98]
  • "You guys havin' a fight? 'Cause, you know, fighting's not cool." [100]
  • "Have you ever heard the expression, 'biting off more than you can chew'?" [100]
  • "This is how many apocalypses for us now?" [100]
  • "I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. ... I don't see the point." [100]
  • "You're not the brightest god in the heavens, are you?" [100]
  • "Dawn, the hardest thing in this world...is to live in it." [100]
  • "Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. .... I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven. .... And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ... hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ... knowing what I've lost..." [103]
  • "But I haven't spent any money. I was all ... dead and frugal." [104]
  • "I can't help where the forces of darkness attack me, Xander." [105]
  • "You play for kittens?!" [105]
  • "What? I'm not getting into a bar fight! I'll beat 'em up for information, great, but not to defend your right to gamble for kittens!" [105]
  • "And the only person I can even stand to be around is a ... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker." [105]
  • "So much easier to talk to when he wanted to kill me." [106]
  • "Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you don't have to see what we're doing?" [106]
  • "Were you parking?! With a vamp?" [106]
  • "Hey, didn't anyone come here to just make out? .... Aww, that's sweet. You run. .... You scream." [106]
  • "What else would I want to pump you for? .... I really just said that didn't I?" [107]
  • "Yeah, I'm pretty spry for a corpse." [107]
  • "So, Dawn's in trouble...must be Tuesday." [107]
  • "When....when did the building fall down?" [110]
  • "What's the matter, ashamed to be seen with me?" [111]
  • "And I'm falling for that again because of the surprise lobotomy?" [113]
  • "Don't think about the evil, bloodsucking fiend. Focus on anything but the evil, bloodsucking fiend...hears scream...Thank you!" [113]
  • "We do not joke about eating people in this house!" [114]
  • "I'm Buffy the bridesmaid." [116]
  • "A girl who sleeps with the vampire she hates?! Yeah, that makes sense." [117]
  • "Not bad. How hard you gonna hit when you're blowin' in the wind?" [119]
  • "Being a Slayer doesn't give me a license to kill. Warren's human." [120]
  • "We can't control the Universe. If we were supposed to, then the Magick wouldn't change Willow the way it does. And we'd be able to bring Tara back." [120]
  • "A killer isn't a Slayer. Being a Slayer means something you can't conceive of." [121]
  • "I got it so wrong. I don't want to protect you from the world — I want to show it to you. ... There's so much that I want to show you." [122]
  • "More like a plaid; kind of a clan tartan of badness, really. Uh, you know, but there were factors." [123]
  • "Shoulda put a leash on him." ... "Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire." [125]
  • "I would have given up everything I had to be with him. I loved him more than I will ever love anything in this life. And I put a sword through his heart because I had to." [127]
  • "Well, what I really need is emotional therapy from the evil dead." [129]
  • "See, this is what I hate about you vampires. Sex and death and love and pain—it's all the same damn thing to you." [129]
  • "I have all this power. I didn't ask for it. I don't deserve it. It's like... I wanted to be punished. I wanted to hurt like I thought I deserved." [129]
  • "Yeah, yeah, I know the guy. Billy Idol wannabe?" ... "Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from—" [130]
  • "He's having some pretty bad withdrawls. I think we need to get him some blood." ... "Do you want me to kill Anya?" [131]
  • "Violence? William the Bloody now has insight into violence?" [131]
  • "You're not alive because of hate or pain. You're alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance." [131]
  • "But if you don't tell us what we need to know, then I'm gonna offer you to The First on a platter and let him chop you into tiny pieces." [132]
  • "Something's always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First." [132]
  • "I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war." [132]
  • "From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?" [132]
  • "Try picking on someone my own size." [133]
  • "I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about." [133]
  • "See? Dust. Just like the rest of 'em. .... I don't know what's coming next, but I do know it's gonna be just like this. Hard. Painful. .... But in the end it's gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we'll be the ones left standing. .... Here endeth the lesson." [133]
  • "If you make one mistake, it takes just one vampire to kill you." [134]
  • "What I want is the Spike that's dangerous. The Spike that tried to kill me when we met." [137]
  • "Something bad is going on." [138]
  • "You're running to catch the bus naked? That's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures? That's a vision. Also, I was awake." [138]
  • "You stabbed Jonathan to death. What were you trying to do? Scratch his back from the front?" [138]
  • "Well, I don't like having to give a bunch of speeches about how we're all gonna live, because we won't. This isn't some story where good triumphs because good triumphs. Good people are going to die! Girls. Maybe me. Probably you. Probably right now." [138]
  • "Hey, any apocalypse I avert without dying? Yeah, those are the easy ones." [139]
  • "Hello! All I do is look at the big picture. The other day, I gave an inspirational speech to the telephone repair man." [139]
  • "Spike is here because I want him here. We need him. I'm in the fight of my life." [139]
  • "Spike is the strongest warrior we have. We are gonna need him if we're gonna come out of this thing alive. You try anything again, he'll kill you. More importantly, I'll let him. I have a mission to win this war, to save the world. I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters." [139]
  • "No, I think you've taught me everything I need to know." [139]
  • "Sorry, Faith. I didn't realize that was you." [140]
  • "You're firing me? I just refrained from kicking your ass." [140]
  • "Most people don't like visits from their dead, you know." [140] (as The First)
  • "You'd think these people had never seen an apocalypse before. What about you? Just going for a quick spin to 7-Eleven ... in Nebraska?" [141]
  • "Still able to make me see cartoon birdies all around my head? You betcha. The short lack of consciousness was nice. I feel rested." [141]
  • "I—I don't understand this. For seven years, I've kept us safe by doing this — exactly this, making the hard decisions. And now, what — suddenly you're all acting like you can't trust me?" [141]
  • "Look, I wish this could be a democracy. I really do. Democracies don't win battles. It's a hard truth, but there has to be a single voice. You need someone to issue orders and be reckless sometimes and not take your feelings into account. You need someone to lead you." [141]
  • "I can't watch you just throw away everything that — I know I'm right about this. I just need a little — I can't stay here and watch her lead you into some disaster." [141]
  • "Don't...be afraid to lead them. Whether you wanted it or not, their lives are yours. It's only gonna get harder. Protect them, but lead them." [141]
  • "I don't feel very right." [142]
  • "That's my problem ... I say the word, some girl dies ... every time." [142]
  • "I'm still making excuses ... I've always cut myself off, I've always .... being the Slayer made me different. But, it's my fault I stayed that way. People are always trying to connect to me. I just ... slip away." [142]
  • "I don't want to be the one." [142]
  • "You're my strength, Xander. You're the reason I made it this far. I trust you with my life." [143]
  • "You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death." [143]
  • "Do you see this? This might actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it...is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals, you know, I have Faith for that." [143]
  • "Well, you know me ... not much for the damseling." [144]
  • "Any port in an apocalypse." [144]
  • "You vampires. Didn't anyone ever tell you the whole smelling people thing's a little gross?" [144]
  • "He's not. But ... he is in my heart." (about Spike not being her boyfriend) [144]
  • "I don't think that really matters right now. You know, in the midst of all this insanity, a couple of things are actually starting to make sense, and the guy thing ... I always figured there was something wrong with me because I couldn't make it work. Maybe I'm not supposed to." [144]
  • kick "Ow." ... "Dumbass." [144]
  • "If you get killed, I'm telling." [144]
  • "It slices, dices and makes julienne preacher." [144]
  • "Good, good. I haven't had quite enough jealous vampire crap for one night." [144]
  • "You know, one of these days I'm just gonna put you two in a room and let you rassle it out." ... "No problem at this end." ... "Ooh, there could be oils of some kind involved." [144]
  • "One girl in all the world, she alone will have the strength and skill t— There's that word again. What you are. How you'll die. Alone." [144] (as The First)
  • "I just realized something. Something that really never occurred to me before. We're gonna win." [144]
  • "This isn't about wishes; this is about choices. I believe we can beat this evil. Not when it comes; not when it's army is ready. Now. Tomorrow morning I'm opening the seal. I'm going down into the Hellmouth and I am finishing this once and for all. Right now, you're asking yourselves what makes this different. What makes us anything more than a bunch girls being picked off one by one. It's true. None of you have the power that Faith and I do. So here's the part where you make a choice." [144]
  • "I'm not worried." [144]
  • "So I say we change the rules. I say my power should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. To stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?" [144]
  • "You pulled a nice trick. You came pretty close to smacking me down. What more do you want?" [144] (as The First)
  • "I want you ... to get out of my face." [144]

    |BuffyBot|
    top | bottom

  • "I, I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body." [96]
  • "You are. You're very, very bad." [96]
  • "I could never do it. I'm helpless against you, you fiend." [96]
  • "Darn your sinister attraction." [96]
  • "Oh, Spike, devour me!" [96]
  • "Vampires of the world, beware." [96]
  • "Isn't it a beautiful night for killing evil things?" [96]
  • "Oh, Spike. You're the big bad. ... You're the BIG bad!" [96]
  • "Angel's lame. His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid." [96]
  • "Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike?" [96]
  • "Say, look at you. You look just like me! We're very pretty." [96]
  • "Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds." [96] (Buffy as BuffyBot)
  • "They were confused too. Do you wanna ravage me now?" [96] (Buffy as BuffyBot)
  • "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!" [101]
  • "'We want her to be exactly, she'll never be exactly, I know, the only really real Buffy is really Buffy, and she's gone' who?" [101]
  • "Sorry I questioned you, Spike. You know I admire your brain almost as much as your washboard abs." [101]

    |Cordelia|
    top | bottom

  • "Oh, I would kill to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes?" [1]
  • "Morbid much!" [1]
  • "God! What is your childhood trauma?" [1]
  • "So anyway, I come outta the bathroom, and she comes running at me. Screaming! With a stick! 'I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!' I swear!" [2]
  • "Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist?" [2]
  • "But senior boys, hmm, they have mystery. They have ... what's the word I'm searching for? Cars!" [2]
  • "It's like when I go shopping. I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it's expensive, but because it costs more." [2]
  • "I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side." [4]
  • "Ouch! Please get your extreme oafishness off my two hundred dollar shoes!" [7]
  • "I, I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of... Buffy!" [9]
  • "People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing." [11]
  • "Obviously, Kevin has underestimated the power of my icy stare." [12]
  • "Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now." [13]
  • "I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to." [14]
  • "Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project." [14]
  • "Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs?" [18]
  • "This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom." [26]
  • "Damn it, Xander, what's going on? Who died and made you Elvis?" [28]
  • "If we die in here I'm gonna kick your ass! I mean it!" [28]
  • "I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants." [29]
  • "Great. Now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day." [38]
  • "Excuse me, when your last steady killed half the class and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram, it makes a girl shy." [41]
  • "No way! I wish us into bizarroland and you guys are still together? ... I cannot win!" [43]
  • "Integral part of the group? Xander, you're the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo." [47]
  • "Check out Giles the next generation." [49]
  • "God! Doesn't anyone write in to praise the Cheerleaders! We are so unsung." [52]
  • "I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future." [53]
  • "Xander! I, uh, I'm considering things a little more carefully nowadays. I don't want to get stuck with another dud." [54]
  • "You know the part that totally weirded me out? That thing had good taste. I mean, he chucks Xander and went right for the formal wear." [54]
  • "Wow, you've really mastered the power of positive giving up." [55]
  • Well, does he have to leave the country? I mean, you got fired, and you still hang around like a big loser. Why can't he?" [56]
  • "This is just such a Buffy thing to do. .... She is always thinking of herself." [56]
  • "I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan." [56]

    |Dawn|
    top | bottom

  • Yeah, well ... I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me." [80]
  • "She still thinks I'm Little Miss Nobody, just her dumb little sister. Boy, is she in for a surprise." [80]
  • "Geez! Lurk much?" [91]
  • "Blobs of energy don't need an education." [91]
  • "I feel safe with you." ... choke "Take that back!" [92]
  • "Destroyer of the universe. I guess cutting school doesn't seem so bad now, huh?" [98]
  • "And I wish you'd fall on your head and drown in your own barf, so...I guess we're both disappointed." [100]
  • "Stay with me .... please. I need you to live. .... Live!" [102]
  • "That's probably the sort of thing I'm not supposed to see, right?" [103]
  • "I so did not." [107]
  • "People have a tendency to go away. And I miss them; and sometimes I wish I could just make them stop...going away." [114]
  • "Course you all wanna leave...cuz being stuck in here with me, that would really suck, right?" [114]
  • "Great, here's me basking in the love." [114]
  • "The, uh, thousand-yard stare really helps sell that." [117]
  • "You said it a second ago. You don't have a sister. .... It's your ideal reality, and I'm not even a part of it." [117]
  • "Buffy ... look at me. I'm right here. You're my sister. I need you and love you. Somewhere inside you must know that's real." [117]
  • "Look around, Buffy. We're trapped in here! Willow's killing and people I love keep dying ... and you cannot protect me from that!" [122]
  • "What? You think I never watched you?" [122]
  • "I had a plan the whole time." ... "Really." ... "Yeah, I planned to get killed, come back as a vampire and bite you." [123]
  • "Lesson One: it's always real." [123]
  • "She didn't finish? She didn't finish being not evil?" [125]
  • "So, he gets his soul back, he starts seeing spooky things, and he goes extra-extra-crazy." [131]
  • "Then you can't stay here. Buffy, I love you, but you were right. We have to be together on this. You can't be a part of it. .... So I need you to leave. .... I'm sorry, but this is my house, too." [141]
  • "We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side." [144]

    |Drusilla|
    top | bottom

  • "Look at all the people. Are these nice people?" [15]
  • "Do you like daisies? Hmm? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies." [15]
  • "I'm a princess." [15]
  • "Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?" [18]
  • "You've been a very bad daddy." [21]
  • "Shhh! Grrrruff! Bad dog." [21]
  • "We're going to destroy the world. Want to come?" [26]
  • "Night, night." [33]
  • "Oh, I see you. A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory. That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head." [85] *
  • "Oh, Spike, look at the wonderful mess you've made. That's a Slayer you've done in. Naughty...wicked...Spike." [85] *
  • "You're a killer. Born to slash...and bash...and...oh, bleed like beautiful poetry." [92]
  • "And there you are, my darling, deadly boy." [92]
  • "Kick a dolly when he's down. That was always your style." [132] (as The First)
  • "And what makes you think you have a choice? What makes you think you will ever be any good at all in this world?" [132] (as The First)

    |Faith|
    top | bottom

  • "God, I could eat a horse. Isn't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?" [37]
  • "No offense, lady, I just have this problem with authority figures....they end up kinda dead." [41]
  • "Excuse me, Mary Poppins, you don't seem to be listening—" [41]
  • "Now it's strictly get some, get gone." [41]
  • "I mean, I've had my share of losers, but you...you boinked the undead." [41]
  • "Wait!" ... "For what? You to grow a pair?" [41]
  • "You're confused, twinkie, let me clear you up. Vampire, Slayer...dead vampire." [41]
  • "Five by five." [41]
  • "Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all." [47]
  • "What are friends for? I mean, I'm sorry, it's just, all the sweating nightly, side by side action...you never put in for a little after hours Uhh!?" [48]
  • "Screw that." [48]
  • "We're Slayers, girlfriend, the Chosen Two; why should we let him take all the fun out of it?" [48]
  • "You're a liar; I've seen you. Tell me stakin' a vamp doesn't get you a little bit juiced. C'mon, say it. laughs You can't fool me. The look in your eyes right after a kill; you just get hungry for more." [48]
  • "Tell me that if you don't get in a good slaying, after a while you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good Uhh!?" [48]
  • "Hey, slaying's what we were built for. If you're not enjoying it, you're doin' something wrong." [48]
  • "Tell you what: you do the homework, and I'll copy yours." [48]
  • "Who said I had a plan? I don't know how many's down there, but I wanna find out; and I'll know when I land. If you don't come in after me, I might die." [48]
  • "When you gonna get this B? Life for a Slayer is very simple. Want. Take. Have." [48]
  • "No, you don't get it...I don't care." [48]
  • "Finally decided to tie me up, huh? I always knew you weren't really a one Slayer guy." [49]
  • "It was good wasn't it? The sex, the danger; I bet a part of you even dug him when he went psycho." [49]
  • "There's my girl." [49]
  • "I think 'die fiend' sums it up, wouldn't you say?" [51]
  • "What can I say, I'm the world's best actor." ... "Second best." [51]
  • "What're you gonna do, B? Kill me, you become me. You're not ready for that... Yet." [51]
  • "Huh. Made him an offer he couldn't survive." [53]
  • "Guess now you know too much and that kinda just naturally leads to killing." [53]
  • "Come to get me? You gonna feed me to Angel? ... You know you're not gonna take me alive." [55]
  • "You killed me. ... Still won't help your boy though." [55]
  • "I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard did you look?" [71]
  • "Five-by-five. It's that thing about a coma. Wake up all rested and rejuvinated. And ready for payback." [71]
  • "What did you think, I'd wake up and we'd go for tea? You tried to gut me, blondie." [71]
  • "You took my life, B. Payback's a bitch." ... "Look who's talking." [71]
  • "Yep. Guess I'm back in Sunnydale." [140]
  • "Something's killing girls all over the world, trying to end the Slayer line. Thing like that, figure I might get a heads up." [140]
  • "Yeah, that's prison. Safe as a kitten." [140]
  • "Let's go look for her. Cemetery's more fun anyway." [140]
  • "Oh, goodie. I'm famous." [140]
  • "Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed." [140]
  • "It's all right, B. Luckily, you still punch like you used to." [140]
  • "You protecting vampires? Are you the bad Slayer now? Am I the good Slayer now?" [140]
  • "Hey, got a spare bed for a wanted fugitive?" [140]
  • "Yeah. Uh, you just know all the cool vampires." [140]
  • "Shouldn't you be down at Hogwarts?" [141]
  • "Yeah. This one's from someone who just thinks she's a cop. It's my favorite of all my current bruises." [141]
  • "Maybe it ends okay the way you wanna play it, but maybe it doesn't. And right now, I don't think I want you playin' the odds." [141]
  • "I didn't come here to take anything away from you, but I'm not gonna be your little lapdog, either. I came here to beat the other guy, to do right, however it works. I don't know if I can lead. But the real question is...can you follow?" [141]
  • "Save your lack of breath." [142]
  • "Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers." [143]
  • "Cheer up, Liz, if Willow's big spell doesn't work, it won't matter what you wear." [144]
  • "Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business." [144]
  • "Yeah, you're not the one and only Chosen anymore. Gotta live like a person, how's that feel?" [144]

    |Giles|
    top | bottom

  • "Look at them, throwing themselves about, completely unaware of the danger that surrounds them." [1]
  • "The Earth is doomed!" [2]
  • "You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it." [3]
  • "But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage. .... Pardon me for finding the glass half full." [3]
  • "All right, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show." [5]
  • "Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time." [5]
  • "It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. 'Course, you'll have to kill him." [6]
  • "I'm older and wiser than you, and just... just do what you're told for once! All right?" [12]
  • "As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not let her go!" [12]
  • "Just because the paranormal is more normal and less... para of late is no excuse for tardiness or letting your guard down." [17]
  • "The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after." ... "Liar." [19]
  • "I'm leaning towards blind panic myself." [26]
  • "To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it." [31]
  • "You must perform the ritual... in a tutu." [34]
  • "Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead." (mocking Joyce) [36]
  • "We have to find Buffy, something terrible has happened. ... Just kidding, thought I'd give you a scare." [39]
  • "Let's find the demon and, and... kick the crap out of it." [40]
  • "Thank god you're here, I was planning to panic." [48]
  • "Again. See? No standards. Any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt." [51]
  • "And I shall be wearing pink taffeta, as chenille will not go with my complexion. Can we please talk about the Ascension?" [54]
  • "Um, I understand that this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind?" [54]
  • "And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone." [54]
  • "Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense." [56]
  • "Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you tell me what brings you here." [57]
  • "System? It's called the alphabet." [59]
  • "I'm sincerely relieved to hear it. Now can we discuss the impending disaster?" [59]
  • "Don't taunt the fear demon." [60]
  • "Always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials'." [64]
  • "No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder." [64]
  • "Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll—" ... "You'll do what? Lick me to death?" [65]
  • "It's the end of the world." ... "Again?" [67]
  • "I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse." [67]
  • "It's the end of the world, everyone dies. It's rather important really." [67]
  • "Oh — as usual — dear." [67]
  • "Oh, crap." [68]
  • "Ethan Rayne. You have no idea how much thrashing you is gonna improve my day." [68]
  • "Bloody humans!" [68]
  • "As a matter of fact, I did. Thanks to Ethan Rayne. You have to help me find him. He must undo this and then he needs a ... good being killed." [68]
  • "And that was out of the, um, evilness of your heart?" [69]
  • "Xander, just because this is never gonna work, there's no need to be negative." [77]
  • "Come on, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity." [78]
  • "It's strange, it's not like anything we've faced before...." Giles' song, singing instructions [78]
  • "I think I liked it better when demons would just crash in here and tear the place apart. Just seemed so much simpler." [83]
  • "But I've sworn to protect this sorry world, and sometimes that means saying and doing...what other people can't. What they shouldn't have to." [100]
  • "I'm fine. I just need to ... to die for a minute." [101]
  • "I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do. Got my Slayer killed in the line of duty." [101]
  • "You're alive. You're here. And you're still ... remarkably strong." [104]
  • "Having Buffy back in the world makes me feel ... indescribably wonderful, but I wouldn't congratulate you if you jumped off a cliff and happened to survive." [104]
  • "The magicks you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!" [104]
  • "Mist...cemetery...Hallowe'en...should end well. Umph, thud." [106]
  • "I don't want your opinion, Spike....I'll never want your opinion." [107]
  • "Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ask for help when you need it." [122]
  • "It was he that got to her in time. He saved us all." [122] (about Xander)
  • "Sorry to barge in. I'm afraid we have a slight ... apocalypse." [132]
  • "They are the vampires that vampires fear. An ancient and entirely different race and, until this morning, I thought they were a myth." [132] (about the Turok-Han/UberVamp)
  • "Yes, well, that's very sweet. ... Now wait a minute, you thought, you think I'm evil if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and don't touch them?" [135]
  • "It doesn't matter if you're not physical with each other anymore. There's a connection; you rely on him, he relies on you. That's what's affecting your judgment." [136]
  • "How can anyone think about their social life? We are about to fight the original primal evil. These girls are in mortal danger. Didn't you see the flash cards?" [136]
  • "I don't think you have much of an idea of the Watcher-Slayer dynamic." [139]
  • "It takes more than rousing speeches to lead, Buffy. If you're going to be a general, you need to be able to make difficult decisions regardless of cost." [139]
  • "It's time to stop playing the role of general, and start being one. This is the way wars are won!" [139]
  • "Didn't you say to me today you can't trust us? Maybe there's something there that should be addressed." [141]
  • "Could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highly respected Watcher, now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily." [144]

    |Glory|
    top | bottom

  • "I don't even want to be here. And I'm not talking about this room or this city or this state or this planet. I'm talking about the whole mortal coil now, you know? It's disgusting! The food... the clothes... the people. I could crap a better existence than this." [83]
  • "Newsflash, hairdo: it's not always about you. All I want is the Key!" [83]
  • "Josve novem svete, tak prohoba speak American!" [83] (We're in the New World now so please, for God's sake, speak American!)
  • "You hit me! What are you, crazy?" [83]
  • "I just noticed something. You have super powers. That is so cool. Can you fly?" [83]
  • "Hey! Hands off my holy man!" [83]
  • "Okay. Now I'm upset." [84]
  • "A Slayer?? Oh God, please don't tell me I was fighting a vampire slayer! How unbelievably common! If I had friends, and they heard about this..." [84]
  • "You have the cutest little suppurating sores! Has anyone ever told you that?" [84]
  • "I mean, nothing worse than a gift that doesn't work. Then I'd have to get all mad and kill you!" [86]
  • "Does anyone appreciate that I'm on a schedule here? Tick, tock, Dreg! Tick frickin' tock!" [86]
  • "I have been cooling my heels in this crappy little town long enough. Sunnydale's got too many demons and not enough retail outlets." [90]
  • "Buffy...if I wanted to fight, you could tell by the being dead already." [90]
  • "Next time we meet, something you love dies bloody." [90]
  • "Never send a minion to do a god's work." [91]
  • "You can't even brain-suck a vampire. He's completely useless." [96]
  • "Shut up! I command you, shut up!" [96]
  • "Now, I asked for the key, and you brought me a vampire. A pulseless, impure, follicly-fried vampire." [97]
  • "Did anybody order an apocalypse?" [97]
  • "Last words, Slay-runt?" [98]
  • "So tell me, why am I not popping your head like a zit right now?" [99]
  • "You know...you recapture your godhood and unleash Armageddon...all of a sudden everybody wants to be a part of the inner circle." [99]
  • "Okay, first thought, just totally spontaneous, unfiltered, off the top of my head...ow!" [99]
  • "I'm a god, stupid."[99]
  • "What the frickin' hell did that bitch do to me?" [100]
  • "The Slayer's a robot. Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot?" [100]

    |Harmony|
    top | bottom

  • "Okay, fine. Hide behind your boyfriend. But guess what, I have a boyfriend too. And he's gonna be mad that you were mean to me." [59]
  • "How's my little Blondie bear?" [59]
  • "Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?" ... "No." ... "Can I make him a vampire?" ... "No. On second thought, yes. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well." [59]
  • "Hey, I don't have a pulse. Cool. Can we eat a doctor so we can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating?" [59]
  • "Being a vampire sucks." [59]
  • "Spikey. Let's leave the Slayer alone. You know she'll only slap you around, and I can do that." [63]
  • "I can kill you where you stand." [63]
  • "Ow, I'm so gonna bite you." [63]
  • "Good job, minions!" [80]
  • "So, Slayer, at last we meet." ... "We've met, Harmony, you half-wit." [80]
  • "Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now...with a stake! She won't give up until she's killed me to death!" [82]
  • "That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis!" [82]
  • "I am a villain, Spike, hellooooo." [82]
  • "Listen, buster. I don't see a crossbow in your hands, okay?" [82]
  • "How are you going to kill her? Think! The second you even point that thing at her, you're gonna be all ahhh!" [85]

    |Joyce|
    top | bottom

  • "A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?" ... "Saving the world from vampires?" [24]
  • "I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head." [24]
  • "Honey, a—are you sure you're a Vampire Slayer?" [34]
  • "I—I mean, have you tried not being a Slayer?" [34]
  • "How's college? You've been fighting." [57]
  • "Actually I was thinking 'My daughter is going to kill you soon'." [71]
  • "He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale." [79]
  • "No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!" [86]
  • "What she needs is her sister, Buffy, not the Slayer." [91]
  • "I—It's gonna be okay, sweetheart. Whatever it is, it's not real, remember? Just keep concentrating. I'm right here, sweetie." [117]
  • "I believe in you. You're a survivor, you can do this." [117]

    |Kendra|
    top | bottom

  • "Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?" [21]
  • "Dat's me favrit shirt! Dat's me only shirt!" [21]
  • "You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not; it's who you are." [21]

    |The Master|
    top | bottom

  • "Bring me something... young." [1]
  • "My ascension is almost at hand. Pray that when it comes ... I'm in a better mood." [2]
  • "Angel! He was the most vicious creature I ever met. I miss him." [7]
  • "Fear is a wonderful thing. It is the most powerful force in the human world. Not love, not hate... Fear!" [10]
  • "What's the fun of burying someone if they're already dead?" [10]
  • "You still don't understand your part in all this, do you? You are not the hunter. You are the lamb." [12]
  • "And by the way... I like your dress." [12]
  • "You will find this girl; you will kill her... before she contacts the Slayer. Or I'll see you two kissing daylight." [43]

    |Mayor Wilkins|
    top | bottom

  • "I'm just funnin'." [42]
  • "This officially commences the hundred days. Nothing can harm me until the Ascension. laughs Gosh, I'm feeling chipper! Who's for a root beer?" [48]
  • "Now, let's kill your little friend." [50]
  • "There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that's factually true." [51]
  • "Okey doke. I've got two words that are going to make all the pain go away. Miniature. Golf." [51]
  • "And you be careful not to put somebody's eye out with that thing... until I tell you to." [53]
  • "Unless you want Faith to gut your friend like a sea bass, show a little respect for your elders." [53]
  • "Raise your hand if you're invulnerable." [53]
  • "We don't knock during dark rituals?" [55]
  • "No snacking. I see blood on your lips, it's a visit to the wood shed for you boys." [56]
  • "It's a little sooner then I expected; I had this whole section on civic pride.... But I guess we'll just skip to the big finish!" [56]

    |The Nerd Herd|
    top | bottom

  • Jonathan — "Oh right. Cuz the burden of being beautiful and athletic, that's a crippler." [52]
  • Andrew — "Don't trust him. Robo-pimp daddy's all mouth." [104]
  • Warren — "Shut up, Whine-athan." [104]
  • Warren — "Dude, don't be a geek." [104]
  • Warren — "Okay, the thing is, since we're messing with the Slayer, who could pummel the three of us into a sludgy substance, it might be a good idea for us to NOT draw attention to ourselves!" [105]
  • Jonathan — "Stop touching my magic bone!" [105]
  • Jonathan — "I am well struck! I call on the misty portal to my demon dimension, where I will lay my head and gently die." [105] (as a demon)
  • Jonathan — "You penis!" [111]
  • Warren — "Oh cheer up, Frodo." [111]
  • Warren — "We're your arch nemesises-es-ees." [111]
  • Andrew — "We're on the lam. We have to lay low. Underground?" [117]
  • Warren — "Guys, we have to —oh, holy crap." [118]
  • Andrew — "I can't wait to get my hands on his orbs." [119]
  • Warren — "I was wondering when Super Bitch would show up." [119]
  • Jonathan — "The orbs! Smash his orbs!" [119]
  • Jonathan — "And that guy's been looking at me. I think he wants to make me his butt monkey." [120]
  • Jonathan — "Sure. He's a nice murderer who keeps his word." [120]
  • Warren — "This isn't the evil laugh of victory, is it?" [120]
  • Jonathan — "Oh my God...me. GUARD!" [121]
  • Andrew — "Are you kidding? She's like Dark Phoenix up there! You expect us to just outrun her?" [121]
  • Andrew — "You think your Li'l Witch buddy's gonna stop with us? You saw her! She's a truck driving Magic Mama. And we've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa burgers, and not one of you bunch has the midiclorians to stop her." [121]
  • Andrew — "Hide out in the cemetery. What a fantastic idea." [122]
  • Jonathan — "Course I'm scared. Last time we were here, 33.3bar percent of us were flayed alive." [129]
  • Andrew — "We find it; we alert the Slayer; we help her destroy it; we save Sunnydale. Then we join her gang and possibly hang out at her house." [129]
  • Jonathan — "It's my fault the ritual didn't work. I don't have as much blood as other people." [131] (as The First)
  • Warren — "That's the worst attempted pig slaughtering I've ever seen." [131] (as The First)
  • Andrew — "Don't torture me and send me to an eternal pain dimension." [131]
  • Andrew — "Okay, I know what you're thinking. Andrew ... bad guy. You think I'm a super-villain like Dr. Doom or Apocalypse or-or The Riddler. But I admit I went over to the Dark Side, but just to pick up a few things, and now I'm back. I've learned. I'm good again." [132]
  • Andrew — "Keep the chatter down! Or, speak up so I can hear you. ... I'm bored. Episode I bored." [133]
  • Andrew — "Did it ever occur to anyone that I could be a lot more useful around here? I used to be an evil genius. Hello?" [133]
  • Andrew — "It's not fair. Spike just killed people, and he gets to go." [134]
  • Andrew — "Okay, well, if you leave me here alone, I'll do something evil. Like burning something, or...gluing things together." [135]
  • Jonathan — "What kind of a nerd are you?" [136] (as The First)
  • Andrew — "What are you doing?" ... "Entertaining and educating." ... "Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?" [138]
  • Andrew — "Buffy, a Slayer of the Vampyrs." [138]
  • Jonathan — "I don't deserve this. I wasn't even that evil." [138]
  • Andrew — "Check out Spike and the Principal. There's something going on there. Sexual tension you could cut with a knife." [138]
  • Andrew — "Uh, Willow...call for you from L.A. Somebody named Fred. The guy sounds kind of effeminate." [139]
  • Andrew — "Why would Faith kill a person who studies Vulcans?" [140]
  • Andrew — "We will defend it with our very lives." ... "Yes, we will defend it with his very life." ... "And don't be afraid to use him as a human shield." [144]

    |Oz|
    top | bottom

  • "Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?" [25]
  • "No. It's head size." [34]
  • "We should figure out what kind of deal this is...I mean is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?" [36]
  • "We're here to save you." [45]
  • "Once again, the Hellmouth puts the 'special' in special occasion." [54]
  • "Strangely affecting. I got all teared up when they played 'We Are Family'." [54]
  • "He had to go. It got kinda sunny." [56]
  • "We attack the Mayor with hummus." [56]
  • "Guys take a moment to deal with this: ... we survived." [56]
  • "Maybe it's because of all the horrific things we've seen, but hippos wearing tutus just don't unnerve me the way they used to." [60]
  • "Mi casio es su casio." [60]
  • "The wolf is inside me all the time, and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it." [62]

    |Riley|
    top | bottom

  • "I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners in all the concussion... I'm Riley." [57]
  • "Don't make fun. I worked long and hard to get this pompous." [60]
  • "The problem is, what kind of girl is gonna go out with a guy who's acting all Joe Regular by day and then turns all demon-hunter by night?" [63]
  • "When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending ... I just assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself ... needing to know the plural of 'apocalypse'." [68]
  • "No, a giant skewer through the rib cage hurt me. That was just a reminder." [71]
  • "You didn't by any chance go and lose that pesky soul again, did you?" [76]
  • "Even when he's good he's all Mister ... Billowy Coat King of Pain." [76]
  • "You're under the thrall of the dark prince!" [79]
  • "Ohhhh, Sandy, Sandy. It's no good. My heart belongs to another. Besides, I don't go out with vampires." [84]
  • "It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance." [85]
  • "I've seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks." [115]
  • "The wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down, doesn't change what you are." [115]

    |Slayers-In-Training|
    top | bottom

  • Molly — "So, we're supposed to, like, make out with them or something?" [134]
  • Kennedy — "Best damn field trip I ever took." [134]
  • Vi — "They're demons! It's a demon bar. It's like a gay bar, only with demons." [134]
  • Rona — "I used to be really afraid of these Ubervamp guys. But then the scary preacher blew into town, and now I'm mostly terrified of him." [141]
  • Kennedy — "What kind of band plays during an apocalypse?" [141]
  • Rona — "These cops are really gettin' hell mouth." [141]
  • Vi — "These guys are dust." [144]

    |Principal Synder|
    top | bottom

  • "Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, 'discipline'. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten." [9]
  • "There are no dead students here. This week." [11]
  • "This is my school. What I say goes, and I say this is not happening." [15]
  • "What would Sunnydale High do without you around to incite mayhem, chaos and disorder?" [31]
  • "Everybody expects me to do everything around here because I'm the principal. It's not fair." [40]
  • "Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz!" [40]
  • "Just how is, um, Blood Rites and Sacrifices appropriate material for a public school library? Chess club branching out?" [45]
  • "Fight it if you want. Just remember, lift a finger against me and you'll have to answer to MOO." [45]
  • "Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?" [53]
  • "This is a time of celebration, so: sit still and be quiet." [56]
  • "I saw that gesture. You see me after graduation." [56]
  • "This... this is simply unacceptable!" [56]
  • "This is not orderly. This is not discipline! You're on my campus buddy!" [56]

    |Tara|
    top | bottom

  • "I think if they saw a witch they would, um, run the other way." [66]
  • "You said 'recon'. You're like 'Cool Monster Fighter'!" [71]
  • "Even when I'm at my worst...you always make me feel special." [84]
  • "You found the last known urn of Osiris on eBay?" [101]
  • "Oh my God. I'm cured! I want the boys!" [107]
  • "Willow said they have a lead on the whole musical extravaganza evil. This demon that can be summoned...some sort of Lord of the Dance...but not the scary one, just a demon." [107]
  • "A muscle cramp? In your...pants?" [114]
  • "There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... You have to learn if ... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives." [118]
  • "It's a long... important process, and ... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?" [118]

    |Mr. Trick|
    top | bottom

  • "You just gotta stand up and salute their death rate." [37]
  • "It's a little out of my element, but I can get you what you need. I know a beast who knows a guy." [40]
  • "Well, this guy's worked your town before, and if he lives up to his rep, this place'll be in flames." [40]
  • "Welcome to SlayerFest '98." [39]
  • "Why they always gotta be using swords? It's called an Uzi, chump. Woulda saved your ass right about now." [48]
  • "I hear once you've tasted a Slayer, you never wanna go back." [49]
  • "Oh no, no, this is no good at all." [49]

    |Wesley|
    top | bottom

  • "A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer." [48]
  • "Are you not used to being given orders?" [48]
  • "Not to fret; my mission scenario has her back in one minute." [48]
  • "Aaagh—hoo!" [50]
  • "You can't turn your back on the Council." ... "They're in England, I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing." [55]

    |Willow|
    top | bottom

  • "Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!" [3]
  • "I go to that room every day. And when I walked in there, it... it wasn't our world anymore. They made it theirs. And they had fun." [12]
  • "Love makes you do the wacky." [14]
  • "Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?" [19]
  • "I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes. Dead or alive." [29]
  • "My head... feels big. Is it big?" [34]
  • "A doodle. I do doodle; you too, you do doodle too." [45]
  • "I'm a rebel; I'm having a rebellion." [45]
  • "How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sorta naturally buff, Buff? Heh, buff Buff." [50]
  • "I'm storming off...it doesn't really work if you come with me." [50]
  • "I'm always ready to work some dark mojo." [50]
  • "Geez, who died? .... Oh god, who died?" [50]
  • "It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil...and skanky.... And I think I'm kinda gay." [50]
  • "I'm a bloodsucking fiend...look at my outfit!" [50]
  • "Oh! I should get to the yearbook office. I'm gonna give 'em the murderer profiles. They're really a good read." [52]
  • "Oh yeah, I'm bad." [53]
  • "Of the two people here, which is the boss of me?" [53]
  • "And besides, I have a shot at being a bad ass Wicca...what better place to learn?" [53]
  • "Man, just ascend already." [56]
  • "How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?" [62]
  • "You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying." ... "Don't patronize me." [63]
  • "You took my life, B. Payback's a bitch." ... "Look who's talking." [71]
  • "I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin." [73]
  • "And besides, when is there any 'us two'? You two are the two who are the two. I'm the other one." [76]
  • "Now that I know there's something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?" [79]
  • "A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes." [79]
  • "Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off." [89]
  • "So if you two wanna fight, do it after the world ends, okay?" [99]
  • "And I think we already deja'd this vu." [99]
  • "Lots of 'dear lords'. And I think I actually heard him clean his glasses." [103]
  • "No need to be in a big furry hurry." [103]
  • "The magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off." [104]
  • "Do I have to fight to keep you? Cuz I'm not large with the butch." [107]
  • "Hey. Standing right here. Standing right exactly here." [112]
  • "Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want." [115]
  • "Bring her back!" [120]
  • "Bored now." [120]
  • "Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without listening to the constant whining." [121]
  • "Come on! This is a huge deal for me! Six years as a side man, and now I get to be the Slayer." [121]
  • "Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked." [121]
  • "It was me that took you out of the Earth. Well, now ... the Earth wants you back." [122]
  • "Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me?" [122]
  • "Is it like, you're scared of losing that feeling again and having it be okay to hurt people; and then you're not in charge of the power anymore because it's in charge of you?" [125]
  • "He's having some pretty bad withdrawls. I think we need to get him some blood." ... "Do you want me to kill Anya?" [131]
  • "Xander, newbies. Let's ease them in to the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing." [132]
  • "Buffy, I just, I want you to know that I'm really sorry for letting you down. You know, here before with the magic going all aah and me going all eeee and everything getting all rrrr." [132]
  • "I-it's safe to say that what I practice is definitely old-agey." [133]
  • "Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns out when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keeps them from hurting people, they don't really build websites." [135]
  • "You put your old murder weapon in with our utensils?" [138]
  • "So it's true, scythe matters." [143]
  • "Yeah, well, you might have to keep me stab-ded if I go to the bad place." [144]
  • "The darkest place I've ever been... this is what lies beyond that." [144]
  • "You know Buffy: sweet girl, not that bright." [144]
  • "Ah! That was nifty." [144]

    |Vampire Willow|
    top | bottom

  • "Bored now." [43]
  • "This is the part that's less fun...when there isn't any screaming." [43]
  • "Buffy...oooo, scary." [43]
  • "Can I play with the puppy?" [43]
  • "Daytime's the worst; cooped up for hours, can't hunt." [43]
  • "This world's no fun." [50]

    |Xander|
    top | bottom

  • "I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good." [2]
  • "Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away." [3]
  • "For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me." [3]
  • "It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to." [4]
  • "This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And hide." [28]
  • "A visit from the pointed-tooth fairy." [29]
  • "The nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah approach to battle?" [29]
  • "Watcher's pet." [29]
  • "Take a walk, overbite." [30]
  • "Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?" [31]
  • "It's officially nippy. So say my nips." [32]
  • "You know what really grates my cheese?" [32]
  • "Cavalry's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here." [34]
  • "Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good." [36]
  • "We're doing crime here. You don't sneak up during crime." [38]
  • "Hey, you're not the Watcher of me." [41]
  • "Hey, Giles, here's a nifty idea, why don't I alleviate my guilt by going out and getting myself really, really killed." [41]
  • "Wait!" ... "For what? You to grow a pair?" [41]
  • "Who had a crucial moment; distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?" [47]
  • "But, gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter." [47]
  • "Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance?" [53]
  • "Well this should work for you. It positively screams nympho." [54]
  • "Big overture. Liiittle show." [60]
  • "Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon!" [60]
  • "Well excuse me, Mister 'I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove'." [61]
  • "Giles, don't make Cave Slayer unhappy." [61]
  • "Well, how about this? We whip out the ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient, unstoppable evil — mayhem, mayhem, mayhem — we show up and kick its ass." [63]
  • "I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious." [66]
  • "I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you’re not the Big Bad anymore, you’re not even the kind of naughty." [67]
  • "I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of persuing a homicidal lunatic." [71]
  • "Yeah? You smell sin? Well let me tell you something, lady, she who smelt it dealt it!" [74]
  • "So with Buffy and Riley having ... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock lately, maybe they set something free. Like a ... big burstin' poltergasm." [74]
  • "Give it up for a American chipmanship." [76]
  • "I'm full of that good old kamikaze spirit." [77]
  • "No, we're not going to 'leave you'. And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three — three victims. Mwa ha ha!" [79]
  • "Yes! I will serve you, your excellent spookiness." [79]
  • "Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?" [79]
  • "You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!" [79]
  • "You gotta be kidding. 'Let the spell be ended', that's not gonna work." [81]
  • "Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers." ... "Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares." [86]
  • "Oh, yeah, fun was had. Also frolic, merriment, and near-death hijinks." [86]
  • "You are one crazy troll, I ... I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my best friend. That's insane troll logic." [89]
  • "Hey, uh, Evil Dead, you're in my seat." [92]
  • "Yes. You are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them." [96]
  • "Or you can be undead man walking. See how fast you can hitch a ride with a flaming...thumb." [98]
  • "We got company! ... And they brought a crusade." [98]
  • "Good, panic. That oughta help." [99]
  • "Schpadoinkle." [100]
  • "Great googly, moogly." [101]
  • "Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese." [102]
  • "And how long have you known that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?" [102]
  • "I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself." [102]
  • "We made a demon? Bad us." [103]
  • "Merciful Zeus." [107]
  • "Spike sang a wittle song?" [107]
  • "So, what did Captain Peroxide want?" [109]
  • "I think she's possessed." ... "She's a teenager." [114]
  • "I forgot. Willy Wannabite can't hurt me. Dumb to pick a fight, I guess." [117]
  • "Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?" [117]
  • "I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them. He doesn't have a soul, Buffy. Just some leash they jammed in his head. You think he'd still be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working?" [119]
  • "You've got to stop doing this. This dying thing's funny once, maybe twice—" [120]
  • "And Willow will make you two boneless chickens are skinless, too." [121]
  • "He shot two of my friends before I could even... You want me to know how useless I am? That it's my fault? Thanks. Already got the memo." [121]
  • "Oh no...you're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped up όber-witch, but this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century." [122]
  • "Yeah, I get that. It's just ... where else am I going to go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end — where else would I want to be?" [122]
  • "I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. I know you're about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid and hey, still want to hang. You're Willow." [122]
  • "The first day of kindergarten you cried because you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world not a terrific notion but the thing is, yeah, I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary-veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world — well then start with me. I've earned that." [122]
  • "Shoulda put a leash on him." ... "Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire." [125]
  • "Fine. I invite you in. ... Nimrod." [128]
  • "And also, it's a classroom, you chowder-head! Now get off the boy, Buffy. We're going home." [128]
  • "Okay, so you'll be safe in here, plenty of sunlight for you to hide in." [130]
  • "I wish Sleeping Ugly would come to. He's been out all night." [132] (about Andrew)
  • "Who's joking? That pantry thing could work. Are you saying M. Night Shyamalan lied to us?" [132]
  • "They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it." [134]
  • "This can't just happen. It can't just keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There's gotta be a reason." [136]
  • "Okay, so far, so creepy. [137]
  • "An unknown man breezes into town, says he has something of yours. Buffy, this thing's got 'trap' written all over it." [140]
  • "I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. She's laid down her life—literally—to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle. I've seen her heart, and this time—not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it." [140]
  • "That's fine. Parties in this house, I usually end up having to... rebuild something." [141]
  • "I'm trying to see your point here, Buff ... but I guess it must be a little bit to my left ... 'cause I just don't." [141]
  • "Besides, if you die, I'll just bring you back to life, that's what I do." [143]
  • "Don't look at me, this is a Summers thing, it's all very violent." [144]
  • "Sometimes I shouldn't say words." [144]
  • "If you have to go to the bathroom, it's to your left. If you don't have to go to the bathroom, picture what you're about to face. Better to go now." [144]
  • "We will defend it with our very lives." ... "Yes, we will defend it with his very life." ... "And don't be afraid to use him as a human shield." [144]

    |Various Demons/Baddies/Others|
    top | bottom

  • Absalom — "Your day is done, girl. I'll grind you into a sticky paste, and hear you beg before I smash in your face." [13]
  • Adam — "Mommy." [69]
  • Adam — "You fear death. Being immortal, you fear it more than those to whom it comes naturally. Vampires are a paradox." [72]
  • Adam — "Demon in a human body. You walk in both worlds and belong to neither. I can relate." [72]
  • Aristocrat #1 — "Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry!" [85]
  • Bar Demon — "Spike! Long time. Nice of you to bring snacks." [134]
  • Bar Vamp — "More like the evil laugh of 'you're a dead man.'" [120]
  • Beljoxa's Eye — "What, am I talking to myself here? There's no way." [133]
  • Ben — "Tell my sister I'm sick of running into her Jawa rejects." [95]
  • Ben — "You're more fun when I hit you." [95]
  • Cain — "First they tell me I can't hunt an elephant for its ivory... Now I've gotta deal with People for the Ethical Treatment of Werewolves." [27]
  • Caleb — "Just another dirty girl. And, since you only dress up in dead folk, I'm guessing, one who's already been paid her wage." [140]
  • Caleb — "Well, now, you girls are just burning with righteousness, aren't you? Problem is, you think you're blazing like suns, when really you're burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness." [140]
  • Caleb — "History's gonna look back at you, at me, at this place, and they're gonna see the glory. Great things are happenin' now, right here." [141]
  • Caleb — "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part on account of her neck snapping and all, did she say the end is near ... or here?" [143]
  • Caleb — "Are you ready to finish this, bitch?" [144]
  • Caleb — "Then why aren't you asleep, in your dead lover's arms? 'Cause he can't help you. Nor Faith. Nor your friends. Certainly not your wanna-slay brigade. None of those girlies will ever know real power unless you're dead." [144]
  • Cave Demon — "Look what she's reduced you to—" ... "It's this bloody chip—" ... "You were a legendary dark warrior and you let yourself be castrated. And you have the audacity to crawl in here and demand restoration?" [120]
  • Cave Demon — "You're a pathetic excuse for a demon." [120]
  • Cave Demon — "You have endured the required trials." [122]
  • Clem — "Still, I feel responsible. It's not fair — girl your age, cooped up in a crypt. Tell you what: let me get my hat and my coat — I'll take you to a movie. We'll go nuts. PG-thirteen." [121]
  • Clem — "Aw, you're not going to get yourself in trouble now, are you? Or me? 'Cause your sister's the Slayer; I'm a demon, that's real incentive to get along with her..." [121]
  • Clem — "It's getting bad here. Really bad. Hellmouth acting up again, people feeling it, getting crazier. You can't swing a cat without hitting some kind of demonic activity. Not that I swing cats, or eat—nope. Heh. Cuttin' waaay back. Cholesterol—morals. I mean, morals." [141]
  • Cyrus — "If I don't eat somebody soon, I—I'll get dizzy." [80]
  • D'Hoffryn — "I'm sorry to hear that. ... Oh well. Here is my talisman. ... You change your mind, give us a chant." [65]
  • D'Hoffryn — "Oooh. Breathtaking. It's like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog." [127]
  • D'Hoffryn — "Haven't I taught you anything, Anya? Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain." [127]
  • Darla — "Is there anything better than a natural disaster? The panic. The people lost in the streets. It's like picking fruit off the vine." [7]
  • Darla — "For a hundred years you've not had a moment's peace because you will not accept who you are. That's all you have to do. Accept it. Don't let her hunt you down. Don't whimper and mewl like a mangy human. Kill! Feed! Live!" [7]
  • Dracula — "I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula." ... "Get out!" [79]
  • Dracula — "I have searched the world over for you. I have yearned for you. For a creature whose darkness rivals my own." [79]
  • Dracula — "All those years fighting us. Your power so near to our own...and you've never once wanted to know what it is that we fight for? Never even a taste?" [79]
  • Dracula — "You think you know ... what you are ... what's to come. You haven't even begun." [79]
  • Ethan Rayne — "I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to hap—" ... "Did someone—?" ... "Oh, bugger! I thought you'd gone!" [68]
  • Ethan Rayne — "No, no, no! Wait! Hang on! You—you can beat the crap out of me; go ahead, I can't stop you! Or—or you can listen to what I have to say." [68]
  • Ethan Rayne — "I really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the 'stay and gloat' that gets me every time." [68]
  • Ford — "A couple more days and we'll get to do the two things every American teen should have the chance to do: die young ... and stay pretty." [19]
  • Forrest — "Well, the way I got it figured the Slayer is like some kind of boogey man for the Subterrestrials, something they tell their little spawn to make them eat their vegetables and clean up their slime pits." [67]
  • Gachnar — "I am the dark lord of nightmares! The bringer of terror! Tremble before me. Fear me!" [60]
  • Gnarl — "I looove a giftie...can't wait to unwrap it!" [125]
  • Halfrek — "And actually, we prefer Justice Demon, okay...FYI." [114]
  • Halfrek — "For crying out loud. Fine, the curse is lifted, we can all leave now. Dammit." [114]
  • Halfrek — "Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades — men need a little vengeance now and then, too." [118]
  • Halfrek — "Oh, who are they kidding with that happy shiny crap?" [123]
  • Halfrek — "No deaths, no eviscerations, you're not goading women into anything inventive, and you're not delivering when it is. ... A waitress downtown wished her husband was a frog; you made him French." [123]
  • Holden — "laughs Hellooo. Two years of Tae Kwon Do and vampire strength. I think somebody's counting their chickens." [129]
  • Holden — "Buffy....I'm here to kill you, not to judge you." [129]
  • Kakistos — "The Slayer. I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart and suck the marrow from her bones." [37]
  • Lissa — "Do the ropes hurt?" ... "Yes." ... "Good." [136]
  • Luke — "I thought you nothing more than a meal, boy. Congratulations. You've just been upgraded — to bait." [2]
  • Luke — "Fear is like an elixir. It's almost like blood." [2]
  • Lyle Gorch — "Well, ain't you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did see?" [24]
  • Lyle Gorch — "A'right. I'm gonna beat you like a redheaded stepchild. Throw your ass out in that sunlight. C'mon." [24]
  • New Vampire — "Excuse me, I think I'm stuck." ... "You're stuck?" .. "My foot's caught on a root or something, and — I don't even know how I got down there. If you girls could just give me a hand..." [123]
  • Nikki Wood (Slayer) — "The mission is what matters." [139] (what sounds like static is rain from the ep)
  • Olaf — "Rrrah! You do well to flee, townspeople! I will pillage your lands and dwellings! I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters! Ha ha ha! Mark my words!" [89]
  • Olaf — "Barmaid! Bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat." [89]
  • Park Vamp — "Uh, excuse me! Can we fight now?" [106]
  • Professor Walsh — "Those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my TAs use, and think I don't know about, 'The Evil Bitch Monster of Death'." [57]
  • Professor Walsh — "I'm sure you'll understand if I seem far from happy." [63]
  • Professor Walsh — "I'm not interested in guess work, gentlemen. Call me old-fashioned. I like results. This report reads like a child's riddle book." [63]
  • Professor Walsh — "It's only our methods that differ. We use the latest in scientific technology and state-of-the-art weaponry ... and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick." [68]
  • Razor — "Of course we want trouble, we're demons. We're really all about trouble." [102]
  • Spike's Mother — "'Early one morning, just as the sun was shining, I heard a maid sing in the valley below. Oh, don't deceive me. Oh, never leave me. How could you use a poor maiden so?'" [139]
  • Spike's Mother — "Pleasure? To take my leave of you, of course. 'The lark hath spake from twixt its wee beak'? You honestly thought I could bear an eternity listening to that twaddle?" [139]
  • Spike's Mother — I hate to be cruel— No, I don't. I used to hate to be cruel in life. Now, I find it rather freeing. Nothing less will pry your greedy little fingers off my apron strings, will it?" ... "Stop. Please." ... "Ever since the day you first slithered from me like a parasite..." [139]
  • Sunday — "I gotta get me some better lackeys, I swear." [57]
  • Ted — "That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to say about that?" [23]
  • Tector Gorch — "Well, how come Angelus is gettin' all cuddly with her, Lyle? I mean, does the man have no code?" [24]
  • Torg — "There's your stinking gateway, Anyanka. Don't let it hit you on the way out." [133]
  • Tucker — "You think formal wear makes them crazy, wait 'til they see the mirror ball." [54]
  • Vamp Chick/Charlotte — "Is that all I was to you? A one-bite stand?" [130]
  • Vamp Dude — "I think it's funny when you scream... it's like... roar whoa!" [57]
  • Vamp Dude — "This is startin' to suck." [57]
  • Whistler — "There's moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes... they're not." [33]
  • Whistler — "What are you gonna do, bite me? gasp Horrors! A vampire!" [33]
  • Whistler — "Ah, but you wouldn't bite me on account of your poor, tortured soul. It's so sad, a vampire with a soul. It's so poignant." [33]
  • Whistler — "A demon... technically. I mean, I'm not a bad guy. Not all demons are dedicated to the destruction of all life." [33]
  • Whistler — "Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does." [33]
  • Whistler — "So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are." [33]
  • Whistler — "In the end, you're always by yourself, you're all you've got, that's the point." [34]
  • Principal Robin Wood — "Yeah, I'm only saying that once you see true evil, it can have some serious afterburn, and then you can't unsee what you saw. ... Ever." [132]
  • Principal Robin Wood — "Does it matter? He's an instrument of evil." [139]
  • Principal Robin Wood — "No, I don't wanna kill you, Spike. I wanna kill the monster who took my mother away from me." [139]
  • Principal Robin Wood — "Remember, Buffy, the mission's what matters." [140]
  • Principal Robin Wood — "Welcome to Sunnydale High. There's no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum chewing, apart from that, there's only one rule: if they move, kill them." [144]
  • Zack — "I love it when they run." [106]


    Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles

    "So, what do you guys want to do tomorrow?"
    "Nothing strenuous."
    "Well, mini-golf is always the first thing that comes to mind."
    "I think we can do better than that."
    "I was thinking about shopping. As per usual."
    "Oh, there's an Agnes B. in the new mall!"
    "I could use a few items."
    "Well, now aren't we gonna discuss this? Save the world or go to the mall?"
    "I'm having a wicked shoe craving."
    "Aren't you on the patch?"
    "Those never work."
    "And here I am, invisible to the eye."
    "See, I need a new look. It's this whole eyepatch thing."
    "Oh! You could go with the full black secret agent look."
    "Or the puffy shirt, pirate slash—"
    "The Earth is definitely doomed."     [144]

    The End

    |Shortcuts|

    Angel
    Angelus
    Anya
    Buffy
    BuffyBot
    Cordelia
    Dawn     		Drusilla
    Faith
    Giles
    Glory
    Harmony
    Joyce
    Kendra     		The Master
    The Mayor
    Nerd Herd
    Oz
    Riley
    Slayers-In-Training
    Principal Snyder     		Tara
    Mr. Trick
    Wesley
    Willow
    Vampire Willow
    Xander
    Demons/Baddies/Other

    |Sounds Home|