Spike Bytes - Season 5
|Buffy Season 5|
| Sounds Home | Extras | Episode Guide |
BUFFY: | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Other |
ANGEL: | 1 | 5 |
Click the Episode Name to download the .zip files all listed quotes will be included.
Ep 79 Buffy vs. Dracula (6 files)
"You can take the boy out of the Initiative, but you can't take the Initiative out of the boy."
"Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing."
"Know him? We're old rivals. But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us. Yeah, the mirror bit?"
"Tough talk, cowboy. But you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt, don't he?"
"Nooo. I'm saying ... you should go home to your superhoney. Have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy."
"I'd like to see you try."
Ep 80 Real Me (6 files)
"Step on up, kiddies. Thrashings for all."
"Bloke's gotta have a hobby, don't he? Piss off, Mort."
"Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, or at least get your own tune."
"What, Evil for Dummies? Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new Big Bad."
"Best of luck. Let me know how this arch-villain thing works out for you."
"Ow!! I was telling you the truth!"
Ep 81 The Replacement (2 files)
"Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?"
"Big guy! Kick her ass!"
Ep 82 Out of My Mind (25 files)
"A spot of violence before bedtime."
"What? I softened him up."
"And I should do what in my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?"
"Looks like neither boy's entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow."
"It's blood! It's what I do!"
"I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice ... and drink deep."
"Well, well, well. Looky here."
"Is that right? I must have missed the memo."
"She's not the type to give up, either. She'll hunt you down, day and night, till you're too tired and too hungry to run any more."
"Remember? I've got this cute little government chip in my head."
"Funny, I've got a proposition for you, what about knocking? Seems only fair since we vamps can't enter your flat without an invite, you could at least Say, look at those pretty pieces of paper."
"Oh, dear, is the enormous hall monitor sick? Tell me, is he gonna die?"
"It's not so complicated. Just do whatever those Initiative lab monkeys did, only backwards."
"You'll have me up and killing before the night's over."
"Like someone's cutting into my brain with a knife, you silly bint."
"Harmony, if your incessant prattling bolloxes up this operation, I'm gonna personally yank out your pink and wriggly tongue."
"...bathe in the slayer's blood. Gonna dive in it. Swim in it. I'm gonna do the bloody backstroke."
"Right then. Stitch me up, doc. Got places to go. And Sayers to kill."
"I swear I was just thinking of you. I wanted to tell you the great news. My head's all clear now. No more bug-zapper in my noggin."
"Buffy! Buffy! Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there! That nasty little face, that...bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude."
"She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture."
"You don't understand. I can't get rid of her; she's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony!"
"Should have known it's you. Been nearly six hours."
"End...my...torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me...out of a world...that has you in it! Just kill me!"
"Buffy, I love you. ... God, I love you so much. ... Oh, God, no. ...Please, no."
Ep 83 No Place Like home (3 files)
"Out. For. A. Walk. Bitch."
"And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my whole 'burst into flame' phase."
"Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess...you won't kill me? Wooo... The whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway and, and...you have stupid hair."
Ep 84 Family (5 files)
"You want me, Slayer, come and get me."
"Hello, sweetbreads. Have fun?"
"God, that would be...pleasant."
"To get a decent seat. If the Slayer's gonna die I'm gonna watch."
"There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you."
Ep 85 Fool For Love (37 files)
* denotes flashback quote
"Ow! Wait; not ow. You feeling all right, Slayer? This stuff usually hurts."
"You want to learn all about how I bested the Slayers and you want to learn fast. Right, then. We fought. I won. The end. Pay up."
"It's not about the moves, love."
"I'm feelin' peckish."
"Some nasty thing got a taste of you."
"Right. Stuck in a dark corner with a creature you loathe, diggin' up past uglies, 'cause you're fine."
"What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad."
"Oh, ah, quickly! I'm the very spirit of vexation. What's another word for 'gleaming'? It's a perfectly perfect word as many words go but the bother is nothing rhymes, you see." *
"I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all. That's what the police are for. I prefer placing my energies into creating things of beauty." *
"Ow, ow ow ow Ow OW oho ow ow...." *
"No, please. Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time."
"I was through living by society's rules. Decided to make a few of my own. Of course, in order to do that... I had to get myself a gang."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I sully our good name? We're vampires." *
"I'll take a good brawl any day." *
"Yeah, you know what I prefer to being hunted? Getting caught." *
"Come on, when was the last time you unleashed it? All out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don't you ever get tired of fights you know you're going to win?" *
"After that, I was obsessed. I mean, to most vampires, the Slayer was the subject of cold sweat and frightened whispers. But I never hid. Hell, I sought her out. I mean, if you're looking for fun, there's death, there's glory and sod all else, right? I was young."
"Lesson, the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. .... I've already got mine"
"A good thing, too. Become a vampire, you've got nothing to fear. Nothing but one girl. That's you, honey."
"You ever hear them say...the blood of a Slayer is a powerful aphrodisiac?" *
"Don't be so glum, mate! The way you tell it, one Slayer snuffs it, another one rises. I figure there's a new Chosen One getting all chosen as we speak. I tell you what...when and if this new bird does show up, I'll give you first crack at her." *
"That was the best night of my life."
"You got off on it." ... "Well, yeah. I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind reckon you've done?"
"And we just keep coming. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the enemies of Hell besides and all we need is for one of us just one sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for."
"The problem with you, Summers, is you've gotten so good, you're starting to think you're immortal."
"Lesson, the second: ask the right questions. You want to know how I beat 'em? .... The question isn't 'How'd I win?' The question is 'Why'd they lose?'"
"Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die?"
"Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you."
"Part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it."
"Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day."
"That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land."
"Every Slayer...has a death wish. ... Even you."
"The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable."
"Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second the second that happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in...have myself a real good day."
"Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance."
"Beneath me... I'll show her. Put her six bloody feet beneath me. Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one."
"Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours... But she'll be dead just a little longer than that."
Ep 86 Shadow (7 files)
"It's a predator thing, nothing wrong with it. Just know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. Mmmmm. Ah, that's the stuff...Slayer musk...it's bitter and aggravating. Grrrr!"
"Hey, watch it! Easy! You're bruisin' the leather!"
"Look, I know for a bleedin' fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here." ... "Right, what's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?" ... "Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies mixed drinks? Cuz she spent the better part of last night with me, doing just that." (???)
"Okay, how 'bout this one? Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover Wiccas do a de-invite on the house. Keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?" ... "Because you're harmless." ... "Oh, yeah, right. It takes one to know I suppose. At least I still got the attitude. What you got? A piercing glance?"
"Face it, white bread, Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, and occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you, but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough."
"Buddy, pull me back in you sod, I'm starting to sizzle!"
"You know, it's funny her not calling you about that, I've known since last night. Hey, blanket! BLANKET!"
Ep 87 Listening to Fear (2 files)
"You're basement's full of junk, and me being in need of junk..."
"You just missed a real nice time."
Ep 88 Into The Woods (13 files)
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I...are you naked under there?"
"No, I'm serious...not about the naked part."
"I wanna show you something." ... "What?" ... "You need to see this. We need to move if we want to get there in time."
"Just having a look, mate, keep it down."
"We only came here because we care about you friend...you need help."
"I thought you should know."
"Hey, hey, let's be reasonable about this!"
"Look, I'm not the one who got you into this. Don't kill the messenger."
"OWW! Bloody hell! Oh God! Hey."
"(laugh) Oh, man. You're really under it aren't you?" ... "What?" ... "Look at you. Afraid I'm all hot for your honey. Well, yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you'd never be able to hold on to her. AGH! Bloody hell!"
"C'mon. You're not the long haul guy and you know it." ... "Shut up." ... "You know it. Or else you wouldn't be getting suck jobs from two bit vampire trolls... The girl needs some monster in her man. And that's not in your nature... No matter how low you try to go."
"No, I don't...a fella's got to try though; do what he can."
"I had this chip outta my head, I woulda killed you long ago. Ain't love grand. Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. I think sometimes I got the better deal...to be that close to her and not have her. Be all alone even when you're holding her, you know. Feeling her, feeling her beneath you, surrounding you, the scent. No, you got the better deal."
Ep 89 Triangle (12 files)
"Um, there's something I gotta tell you. About showing you Riley in that place. I didn't mean to. Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed by him, not me. I was trying to help, you know. Not like I made him be there after all; actually trying to help you. Best intentions. I mean...you know...pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right, while he's toddling half way around the bend. ... Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side. Me. I'm the one who's on your side. Me, doing you a favor. And you, being dead petty about it. Me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom, and you....ungrateful bitch! sigh"
"I was here first you know."
"Now why would I do that when it's bugging you so much having me here? They have chicken wings too. Also a sort of a flower shaped thing they make from an onion. Brilliant."
"Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way."
"My, my, someone's in a temper. This all sympathetic misery borrowed from the Slayer?"
"I'm sure she's merrily slaying some pals of mine, having a grand ole time."
"Lot of people never got Dru, you know."
"It's understandable, what with all the upset, all the blaming of innocent bystanders who got caught up in the mess." ... "What?" ... "I mean, did she want to be made a fool of? And what does a person have to do to make it right?"
"Hey, watch it mate! On second thought, do what you like."
"Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much."
"What are you doing?" ... "Making this woman more comfortable. I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. I mean look at all these lovely blood covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. Knew you wouldn't like it." ... "You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?" ... "Well, yeah." ... "You're disgusting." ... "What's it take?"
"I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. I mean look at all these lovely blood covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick."
Ep 90 Checkpoint (9 files)
"Not for money, if that's what you're thinking. Your heartfelt gratitude's plenty. 'Spect I'll be getting that any moment."
"You were about to be reqrouped into separate piles. You needed help."
"Oh, I get it. You just don't like who did the rescuing, that's all. Wishing I was your boyfriend what's-his-face...oh, right, he's run off."
"Don't need or can't keep? You keep making notches in the headboard, but they eventually get up out of the bed and run off don't they?"
"Rough talk. Maybe that's your problem, maybe you push 'em away. Or is it the other...maybe you cling too much? Or maybe your beauty's fading, the stress of slaying aging you prematurely. Things not as high, not as firm. Or maybe, you just don't hold their interest."
"Oh, it's the Slayer. For a second there I was worried."
"Well, that's a boat-load of manly responsibility to come flying out of nowhere. What's the matter, Slayer?"
"Yeah, yeah, 'Anything happens to them I'll stake you good and proper'. Sing me a new one sometime, eh? That bit's gone stale."
"Don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on."
Ep 91 Blood Ties (10 files)
"Wasn't lurkin'. I was standin' about...whole different vibe."
"Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-by? All warm and safe where nothing can eat you."
"A little tremble wouldn't hurt."
"Sneaking out to braid hair and watch Teletubbies with your mates?"
"Magic Shop, eh?...All number of beasties between here and there. Bet they'd really go for a Little Red Riding Hood like you. That wouldn't set well with big sister."
"That's right, who's bad now?"
"Brown robe types are always protecting something. It's the only way they can justify giving up girls."
"I was just along for the ride. Not like I knew she was mystical glowey key thing. Nobody keeps me in the bloody loop, do they?"
"Oh yeah, here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike. News flash, blondie, kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later. I just thought she'd be safer with Big Bad lookin' over her shoulder."
"You'll find her, just in the nick of time. That's what you hero types do."
Ep 92 Crush (8 files)
"A date! You are completely off your bird. I mean...do you want it to be?"
"I love you." ... "Oh my god." ... "No, no, look at me. I. Love. You. You're all I bloody think about; dream about. You're in my gut; my throat...I'm drownin' in you Summers, I'm drownin' in you."
"Don't mock this." ... "Go mock yourself." ... "This is Drusilla, girl! Do you have the slightest idea what she means to me? It's the face of my salvation. She delivered me from mediocrity. For over a century we cut a swath through continents. In a hundred years she never stopped surprising me; never stopped taking me to new depths. I was a lucky bloke, to touch such a black beauty...So you see, it means something."
"Here's why: if you don't admit that there's something there, some tiny feeling for me, then I'll untie Dru and let her kill you instead." ... "Yes, please, I like that game much more." ... "Just...give me something. A crumb. The barest smidgen. Tell me maybe...someday, there's a chance."
"ARGH! Gaaaarggh! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women!? What the hell does it take!? WHY do you bitches torture me!?"
"I..I..I'm at the end of my bleedin' tether. I don't know why I even bother."
"You know, it's your fault. You're the one to blame for all this, you know." ... "Am I?" .. "Bloody right you are! If you hadn't left me for that chaos demon I never woulda come back here. Never woulda had this sodding chip in my skull. And you wouldn't be able to touch me because this, with you, is wrong. I know it. I'm not a complete idiot. You think I like having you in here? Destroying everything that was me, until all that's left is you and a dead shell. You say you hate it, but you won't leave. Know what I should just do, is get rid of both of you. Burn you, cut you into little pieces so there won't be any little bits left to cark up ... Oh, great."
"No, it's not that easy. We have something Buffy, it's not pretty, but it's real and there's nothing either one of us can do about it. Like it or not, I'm in your life. You can't just shut me out."
Ep 93 I Was Made To Love You (7 files)
"Oh, dear...if looks could stake."
"Well, I was gonna leave town, but it's a free country, free party. If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me."
"And who are you, darlin'?"
"Bloody hell! You threw me through a window. What's that about?"
"You know what, my bleeding sympathies to Warren."
"Someone's glad to see me."
"Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but thing is, Slayer and I worked together, side by side to get rid of Dru, who was up to no good, and I don't mind tellin' you" ... "Spike, listen to me" ... "Look, it's just, I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of"
Ep 95 Forever (5 files)
"Understand monkey boy?"
"I liked the lady; understand monkey boy? She was decent; she didn't put on airs. Always made a nice cuppa for me. And she never treated me like a freak."
"Buffy never hears about this, okay? If she found out what I was doing, she'd drive a redwood through my chest."
"I just don't like to see Summers women take it so hard on the chin is all. And I'm dead serious. You breathe a word of this to Buffy, I'll see to it that you end up in the ground. Got it?"
"Well, what do you know, Bitty Buffy."
Ep 96 Intervention (8 files)
"You know you should be afraid of me. I'm bad."
"She's upset about her mum. And if she turns to me for comfort, well I'm not gonna deny it to her. I'm not a monster."
"Damn, right, I'm impure. I'm as impure as the yellow, driven snow. Lemme go."
"(laugh) Yeah, but it was fun. And guess what bitch, I'm not telling you jack. You're never gonna get your sodding Key. Cuz you might be strong, but in our world, you're an idiot."
"The God of what, bad home perms?" ... "Shut up! I command you shut up!" ... "Yeah, okay, sorry, but I just had no idea the gods were such prancing lightweights. Mark my words, the Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lop-sided ass, back to whatever place will take a cheap, whorish, fashion victim, ex-god like you."
"Good plan, Spike."
"Yeah, I feel real sexy."
"You can't ever. Glory never finds out" ... "Why?" ... "Cuz Buffy, the other, not so pleasant Buffy...anything happens to Dawn, it'd destroy her. Couldn't live with her being in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first...nearly bloody did."
Ep 97 Tough Love (6 files)
"Just a few bruises. Nothing to write home about."
"Hey, chin up, platelet."
"I'm a vampire; I know something about evil. You're not evil."
"Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay."
"So you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed off witch was planning on going and spilling herself a few pints of god-blood until you what, explained?"
"I'd do it. Right person; person I loved. I'd do it."
Ep 98 Spiral (6 files)
"Just out for a jaunt. Thought I'd swing by and say howdy."
"Buckle up kids, daddy's puttin' the hammer down."
"We'd already be somewhere if Captain Slowpoke would give up the wheel...hey, gramps, bloody step on it."
"Or what, you're gonna toss your cookies on my shoes?"
"Now might be a good time for something heroic."
"So, what's the story with these role playing rejects?"
Ep 99 The Weight of the World (5 files)
"We have to do something. We can't just sit here watching. You waste time with kid gloves, I'm willing to wager when all is said and done, Buffy likes it rough."
"No, Ben is Glory; Glory's Ben. They're one in the same." ... "When did all this happen?" ... "Not one hour ago, right here before your very eyes. Ben came, turned into Glory, snatched the kid and pfft vanished, remember? You do remember? Is everyone here very stoned? Ben. Glory. He's a doctor, she's the beast. Two entirely separate entities sharing one body. It's like a bloody sitcom. Surely you remember."
"Is everyone here very stoned?"
"Checked out Glory's flat. Looks like the great one has scampered."
"This is gonna be worth it. smack OW!"
"Look at this, Special Ed remembers."
Ep 100 The Gift (7 files)
"Cuz it's always got to be blood." ... "We're not actually discussing dinner right now." ... "Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going; makes you warm; makes you hard; makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood."
"I'm also a swell bowler." ... "Has his own shoes." ... "The gods themselves do tremble."
"Yeah, hey, I always knew I'd go down fightin'." ... "I'm counting on you. To protect her." ... "Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight."
"I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man."
"Well, not exactly the Saint Crispin's Day speech was it?" ... "We few. We happy few." ... "We band of buggered."
"Doesn't a fellow stay dead when you kill him?"
"This won't take long."
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